First of all, thanks for the word "defenestration" - I didn't know such an entity existed, but then again I'm not a linguist.. According to Wikipedia: "Defenestration is the act of throwing someone or something out of a window". What a weird idea, Monty Python would have invented it, if it didn't exist already...
If failing fails too, then there are still more options:
1) Try defenestrate Windows.
(Maybe costly but you may send the Bill to Gates...)
2) Turn off the whole internet: www.turnofftheinternet.com
(But if you regret this, you'll have to reinstall everything manually...)
3) Consider the wisdom of "Carpe Diem" which of course translates to "Day of the Carp". And if you don't believe that, you've ain't seen nothing yet:
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